On Thursday afternoon, I went back to my classroom to get my stuff, and it was honestly the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I knew it would be a bad idea to go in the morning, because I would either mess up the day (UPK time) for their new teacher, or I would create a disruption before nap time and the kids would never go to sleep. I decided to go at the end of nap time, so that there wouldn’t be a problem if the kids got upset.
Thankfully my boyfriend came with me, because otherwise I probably would have had a complete breakdown. When we got there, the kids were getting up and putting their stuff away to get ready for supper. At first, a bunch of the kids were really excited to see me. They ran up to me, were giving me hugs and kisses. But when the first one started crying because she was going to miss me, I broke down. It definitely didn’t help that I had two who wouldn’t acknowledge me. I know they must feel that I have abandoned them, and I wish I could explain that I want nothing more than to be with them until they go to Kindergarten in September. I wish I knew what had happened even, so that I could understand why I am not with them, but I don’t have that luxury.
I’m not sure what is going to happen now. I’m going through the placement process again with TFA. I’m also looking at other opportunities, both in education and outside of it. I’m hoping to get placed in a classroom soon, because I really think that’s where I should be right now. But I can’t lie, if the opportunity to join a non-profit with a focus in education came along, I don’t know that I would say no. I just feel so confused right now, I’m in something of a whirlwind.
I find myself not telling people about what’s happened because I can’t explain it or give more details, and because I don’t know what is going to happen now. I just say that my kids are great, and teaching is great. What else can I do?