I haven’t written in forever, and that’s basically because I have no idea what time is…
Between being constantly observed by one party or another, revamping my classroom so the DOE is happy(er), dealing with combining two very different curricula every week for my lesson plans, going to PD, and giving two separate assessments to all my students, I have been a little worn out. It doesn’t help that I have also been giving a whole battery of other assessments to one of my students so that I can write/finish my early literacy case study paper for my grad class.
Basically, a lot of the time I feel like no one else has a clue what’s going on, which means that when I stumble, no one is there to catch me. From my school site, I am the only one who has been to any PD about UPK or the assessments required by the program, which means that it is hard to get support for the things I am supposed to be doing. For example, my school’s curriculum has been rejected by the DOE as the basis for our UPK program, but the corporate side has done nothing to address this, and so people like my director have their hands tied slightly, making it difficult for her to address, and for me to incorporate. Basically, what it’s come down to is that I write two sets of lesson plans- one for my “regular day” which is basically from 2:30-5:00pm, and one for UPK which is from 9:00-11:30am. Also, because we are short staffed and I don’t have an assistant, just another lead teacher who helps me in the mornings, they actually send me to lunch at 11:00am usually, meaning that the UPK time is cut short by half an hour. This lack-of-assistant thing seriously impedes my ability to give assessments, especially since the UPK-required assessment must be given outside of the classroom to one student at a time.
I love my kids, and I like a lot of the people I work with, but I’m not too sure about making it through two years at TFA. I’m not a giver-upper, in fact, I’ve rarely backed down from anything, but this might be what does it. TFA provides little support for me as a person, instead focusing on stressing me as a corps member. Even though my M,TLD is in my classroom pretty much at least once a week, she apparently isn’t on other people’s backs quite so much. Of my other friends who have her as their M,TLD, she’s been to their (three) classrooms collectively fewer times than she’s been to mine. When I have questions or concerns however, there is very little time for me.
My dad once told me that he was incredibly proud because I’ve loved a lot of things in my life, but I’ve never really had a passion before. What I wonder is: can this passion of mine to move into the field of education policy/consulting really overcome my complete hatred for the trick that was played on me?